


Eric Kripke's The Nightmare Before Christmas

by Mercurie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 100-1000 Words, Community: spnkink_meme, Crack, Humor, Kink Meme, Other, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-20
Updated: 2009-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-04 17:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercurie/pseuds/Mercurie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam Winchester has an adventure on the Island of Misfit Sex Toys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eric Kripke's The Nightmare Before Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Written for kink meme prompt: Sam wakes up naked and bound on, well not the Island of Misfit Toys, but the Island of Misfit SEX Toys.

This couldn't be happening. It had to be a nightmare of some sort. Sam Winchester was not kneeling naked on the ground with his hands bound behind him, in the middle of a clearing surrounded by Christmas trees. And the clearing definitely wasn't littered with a terrifying collection of what he preferred to call, delicately, adult toys.

He closed his eyes and opened them again. Nothing changed. It had to be a dream. Either that or Lucifer had chosen a particularly bizarre way to mess with his head.

"Uh, hello?" he called, tugging futilely at his bonds. "Is… anyone here?"

As soon as he spoke, every single object in the clearing moved as if shocked with a live wire. Cock rings began to vibrate, anal beads rattled, two life-sized sex dolls sprang to their feet, and dildos everywhere stood to attention.

"Oh my God," one of the sex dolls said in a low, deep voice like Barry White, "A human!" Aside from the voice, the doll was a perfect replica of a beautiful, blond, blue-eyed cheerleader fantasy. Naked, of course.

"You did not just talk," Sam said, cursing God, fate, and his parents for bringing him into this world filled with horrors. "A Real Doll did not just talk to me."

"Excuse me, honey," said the doll in her rumbling bass. "I am a fully-operational SexBot programmed in multiple techniques. This is state-of-the-art technology, painstakingly tested under laboratory conditions."

"Oh, don't waste your breath, Sue," said the other doll, who was a shiny plastic image of a gorgeous black woman with a breathy, seductive voice. Sam nearly did a double-take when he realized her head was on backwards. "Not on a human," she continued with a disdainful flip of her unnaturally glistening hair.

"Whatever, Charlene," the blonde said. "Don't you get it? Now we can fulfill our function!" She took two steps forward, bent awkwardly at the waist, and kissed Sam with waxy, immobile lips.

"Jesus, don't do that!" Sam said, recoiling. "Who are you? What the hell is this place?"

"It's a sad, sad story," she said, stroking his chest. Sam shuddered. "This… is the island of Misfit Sex Toys. Have you ever wondered what happens to the defective sex toys you return to the shop?"

"… No."

" – they get sent here, to this island, where they must stay until a human wants them. Everyone here has something wrong with them."

"I'll say," Charlene said, maintaining a contemptuous distance. The vibrators all around buzzed louder in agreement.

"Me? I've got the wrong voicebox. Charlene's head is on the same side as her ass. This sad little guy?" She picked up what appeared to be a jack-in-the-box and turned the handle. The sound of Pop Goes the Weasel filled the air and after a moment, a dildo burst out from beneath the lid. Sue sighed sadly. "Poor Dick. That's what happens when people get tired of novelties: they end up here."

"This is impossible," Sam said. "Or at least really, really implausible and dumb. And why the hell am I here? I'm not a broken sex toy."

"Isn't it obvious?" Sue said, her limpid, painted eyes staring unblinkingly into his. "You're here to give our lives meaning! If you want us, we'll be able to leave with you!"

"Whoa, whoa, now don't get me wrong, you're all very… arousing and stuff," Sam said, swallowing nervously. "But I just don't think I'm ready for an orgy with hundreds of discarded butt plugs. You understand that, right?"

But apparently she didn't, because a second later, Sue had jumped on his lap and slipped a bright pink cock ring around his dick. It began to vibrate so hard it made his entire body shake.

"Ah-ah-ah-ah-h-h-h-h-h!" he yelled, eyes going wide with terror as she held up a prostate massager that had quite obviously been made far too large for human use. "G-get tha-at a-way fr-om mee-e-e-e!"

"God, Sue, you're pathetic," Charlene huffed, "You don't need a human to validate your existence! Have some self-respect! Humans are the oppressor."

"St-op th-at!" Sam twisted around madly as Sue's hands crept around to his ass on their diabolical quest to stuff him full of sex toys. Unbalancing, they fell over onto the cold ground, but she managed to slip out from under him, leaving him face down, ass up, and with his hands still bound behind his back.

"I'm so disappointed in you right now, Sue," he heard Charlene say in a bored tone, "You are totally letting down the revolution. Plus that's way too big."

'Big' was not a word Sam wanted to hear right then. He craned his neck, trying to look over his shoulder to see what his attacker was doing. Some cool and slimy landed in the crack of his ass and he had to bite back an actual whimper of fear. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to think of what was about to happen.

And then it came to him. The way to make it all stop. It would only take one word.

"YE-ES!" he screamed. "LU-U-CIFER! THE AN-SWER IS YE-E-E-S!"

And that was how the world ended. Not with a bang, but with a whimper.


End file.
